V-Day Survival: Whether You're Single, In a Relationship, or a Situationship

Author: Alysha Perlman

Valentine’s Day. Everyone’s got an opinion. Some people love it, some people can’t stand it, and others pretend it doesn’t exist.

While our Instagram feed may feel less-than-friendly right now, V-day is as great an occasion as any to celebrate the things you love about yourself and the things you love about others. Despite what Hallmark wants us to believe, one day of flowers, cards, and chocolates can’t make up for 364 days of disconnection. More likely than not, feeling loved 1 day/year isn’t going to cut it (no matter how great a gift!) So what’s the “right” amount?

The Gottman Institute states that the “magic ratio” is 5:1. Meaning, for every one negative interaction you have with a partner, you need five positive ones to regain stability (Benson, 2017). Therefore, it’s more important to cultivate positive interactions throughout the year, rather than cram it all into one, heart-shaped, expectation-filled day.

Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or in a “situationship,” it can be helpful to know your love language. Identifying your love language will clarify what you need to feel loved, what your partner needs (if applicable) as well as the best ways to express those needs. This is especially important for Valentine’s day when expectations can run rampant. If you feel loved when your partner buys you a gift, and they express love with warm words written in a card, that can be a recipe for resentment.

Curious to learn your love language? Take the quiz here.

No matter your relationship status, we could all stand to have a better relationship with ourselves. This starts with asking yourself,

• What do I love about myself?

• What qualities would I like to continue to cultivate?

• How can I nurture myself and give myself what I need?

Having awareness of what you want can help you embrace your inner self and meet your own needs. After all, your greatest relationship is the one you have with yourself!

Here are some fun ways to love yourself and find time for you:

1. Write a love letter to yourself and open it in one year.

This is a fun and easy way to reflect. Celebrate a Valentine’s Day tradition by giving a card to the most important person in your life- yourself! In one year, you may be in a different life stage or your thoughts and feelings may change. This is a great way to acknowledge your journey and continue to learn about yourself and your needs.

2. Pick a person in your life to celebrate.

Surrounding yourself with people you love, whether you are single or in a relationship, is something we should embrace everyday. What better excuse than a day filled with hearts and candy! Whether you celebrate with a significant other, embrace the newer tradition of ‘Galentine’s day’ or just want some extra cuddle time with your pet, all are perfect!

3. Pamper yourself.

Do something nice just for you. Take some time to read your favorite book, get a massage, or go to your favorite bakery for a sweet treat. Indulge.

All that being said, if you completely disregard Valentine’s Day altogether, that’s okay, too! Valentine’s Day is just another day of the year, and although it is a day dedicated to love, it is even more important to focus on loving yourself and those around you everyday.