5 Ways To Support Your Tweens And Teens Going Back To School
Author: Savannah Wagner Belk
The hustle and bustle back-to-school is filled with schedule changes and adjustments around expectations and routines. For tweens entering middle school or teens entering high school, there are usually feelings of anxiety that can leave parents wondering what to do and how to provide support. Some of these challenges include making new friends, more school work, difficulty adapting, and hormone and brain changes. This may result in irritability, struggles with getting up in the morning, nervousness and even tears. Here are some ways to support your teen or tween with these feelings:
1. Parents can help by validating their kid’s emotions by simply reflecting or repeating what they are hearing from their kids and asking open ended questions to learn more. For example, if your tween is worried about going to a new school and not having as many friends right away, you could say: “I see you are really nervous about not knowing anyone in your class this year, it’s nerve racking to start over and to put yourself out there.” Instead of leaning on reassurance like “you’ll be fine!” or “you’ll make friends in no time”, try helping them name what they are feeling so they feel heard and supported. Supportive statements convey confidence in your teen or tween that are genuine and validating. e.g. “I know this is going to be challenging at first and I believe you can do it.” Parents can also show confidence in their children by giving them examples of other times they have overcome other hard things.
2. Teens and tweens will want to do more on their own. For example, they may not want you to walk them to the front door at school drop off, but they still need you in other ways. To find out what they need, you can always ask! Try giving them the space they need to try things while still offering a supportive environment. Autonomy is a value many tweens and teens are searching for and this is a normal developmental milestone for this age group.
3. Your child’s brain is changing rapidly and so are their bodies. It’s important to extend compassion during these awkward and painful times. All adults can probably remember when they were at this stage themselves. At the end of the day, teens just want to feel understood. Seemingly little things with friends can feel really big and managing emotions can feel like a roller coaster. Normalizing these feelings by saying things like “It makes sense why ____ is so hard” or “these feelings are temporary.” Feeling heard can make the feeling more tolerable for your tween or teen.
4. Try not to overschedule your teen. As important as it is to engage in after school activities, social gatherings, and other academic activities - sometimes it can be overwhelming. Check in with your teen about what they might want to add or remove from their schedule. Teens can become overworked and overwhelmed with the amount of things on their plate, especially the closer they get to college applicants. Making sure they have healthy outlets for their stress and time to rest is crucial. This could look like making time for a hobby or clearing out time on the weekend to take a break. Having a balance and making time for rest and relaxation should be a part of their routine too.
5. School routines often look different and sometimes this shift from the summer can be a tough transition. Highlight new expectations around time spent studying and off devices, as well as any updates to curfews or bedtimes. Maybe more screen time was allowed during the summer months or bed times were later. The clearer the expectations are, the better!
Going back to school is an exciting time full of new opportunities, learning, and growth. These are just some of the ways you can support your teen and tween who might be struggling with these transitions.
