Debunking 8 Myths about Living with OCD

Oct 27

Living with OCD is not easy. At times, it can feel like you have a movie playing in your mind in which you are the protagonist- and you are stuck watching yourself act out things you don’t want to do, which in turn makes you feel things you don’t want to feel. Anxiety. Fear. Shame. Embarrassment. But you are the one having these thoughts- that must mean something, right? You felt that sensation, that must mean you want to do that act that repulsed you, right? This movie is playing very loud, and sometimes, scenes that make you cringe with disgust the most play over and over. You try not to think about what you’re seeing, but it only makes it worse. Sometimes, it gets so bad you spiral into a panic attack.

Eventually, you come to learn that the only way out is through. You must watch the movie, sing to the movie, feel the sensations the movie makes you feel, -until eventually, it doesn’t impact you the way it did the first time you watched it in your mind. You learn the trick to fighting this monster is to expose yourself to it, so that you can take over and no longer feel helpless to what is being played out in your mind. This is life with OCD.

OCD does not discriminate and impacts people of all races, genders, sexual orientations, and ages equally. I’d like to shed light on common misconceptions to raise awareness on the plight for those living with OCD.

1. Everyone has a little bit of OCD in them, right? Especially people that like to keep things clean and orderly.

False. The statement “I’m so OCD about…” is used in the media to portray OCD as a common, quirky personality trait. This contributes to the lack of awareness and public knowledge on OCD and leaves those with the disorder feeling stigmatized and isolated. OCD is a real mental health condition that is characterized by unwanted obsessions (painful thoughts and fears) and compulsions (mental or physical) to relieve the anxiety and uncertainty the obsessions produce. 1 in every 100 adults has OCD, and many will suffer in silence because of the feelings of shame, guilt, and fear that their obsessions elicit.

2. Nobody has the thoughts I am having.

False. Everyone in the world has sexual, repulsive, and benign thoughts. However, folks without OCD do not pay much attention to those thoughts- because they only last a second and do not cause distress. Conversely, folks with OCD have a brain that is wired differently. They have a radar that flags any thought that is taboo about the self, others, or something external. As mentioned above, OCD can feel very isolating when the unwanted obsessions are outside of stereotypical OCD like hand washing or checking locks. Folks can have intrusive thoughts about harm, scrupulosity, or false memories. Thoughts like, “what if I harm my baby?” “what if I’m not fasting right?” “what if I said the wrong thing and can’t remember?” are all common OCD thoughts that are paired with spiraling anxiety, seeking reassurance from others, and spending time reviewing past events. Many people with OCD share a common thought starter that begins with “what if?”

3. People with violent or sexually based obsessive thoughts are dangerous and lewd.

False. Someone who has sexually based obsessions might have unwanted sexual thoughts about children, their family member, a pet, or a close friend. They might have violent thoughts about pushing someone in front of the subway or suffocating an animal. These thoughts are painful to talk about and even more debilitating to experience because they are in absolute contradiction with the person’s actual wishes and value system.

4. People with OCD can and should just stop thinking the thoughts.

False. If you know someone with OCD, they will do anything in the world to not live with this struggle. People with OCD know these thoughts are not congruent with their intrinsic values, yet the fact they have the thoughts in the first place, and cannot stop thinking them, contributes to more and more hopelessness. If someone with OCD tries to shut off their thoughts and pushes them away in the form of compulsions, these thoughts can become even worse. This is known as ironic process theory. For example, if you are told to think about anything but a pink elephant, you will notice that the attempt to suppress that thought will make it more likely to surface.

5. People with sexual orientation and/or gender identity obsessions are confused about their sexuality and/or gender identity.

False. People with sexual orientation and/or gender identity OCD experience immense anxiety and doubt that has nothing to do with actual confusion about their identities. These themes can look like a gay person thinking “what if I’m actually heterosexual?” or a heterosexual person thinking “what if I’m actually gay?” They can also attach to gender identity among trans, non-binary, and cis folks “what if I’m actually transgender and I don’t know it? “What if I’m cisgender?” These themes have nothing to do with a person hating, disliking, or being afraid of being heterosexual, gay, transgender, non-binary, or cisgender. Rather, it’s the anxiety and doubt the obsessions create about not being their true self and hurting those they love.

6. People with relationship OCD need to stop being picky.

False. Relationship OCD can show up in dating and committed relationships and have nothing to do with a person’s relationship standards. This can have a significant impact on your dating and sex life because unwanted obsessive thoughts can pop up during intimate moments and cause you to fixate on the way someone is kissing you to the way you felt or didn’t feel during sex. These unwanted obsessions can also show up as “is this person funny enough?” “What if they aren’t right for me?” or fixating on a physical characteristic. Relationship OCD can be very challenging to navigate due to the painful anxiety of the thoughts. It can also take a toll on your relationships if you try to alleviate the anxiety by seeking reassurance from your partner or mentally reviewing your dates.

7. We can only have one type of OCD.

False. OCD is a disease that can change subtypes throughout a person’s lifetime especially in relation to stress and transitions. A person who experienced relationship OCD at one time in their life might feel symptom relief for a time. If this person becomes pregnant, they might begin to experience unwanted thoughts about harming their child. OCD is not “curable” per say, because it can always manifest through different subtypes. However, OCD is manageable with the right treatment and skills!

8. OCD is not treatable.

False. As someone who has OCD, I can say it is treatable, and life is so worth living on the other side! Evidence-based therapies like Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) is one of the only known ways to alleviate symptoms. Many people with OCD are looking for reassurance and certainty about the scary, anxiety-provoking thoughts they are having. Getting reassurance about your scary thoughts in the moment will only relieve your anxiety temporarily and often worsens it over time. It is important to get professional help so that you can live the full and meaningful life you deserve! At A Good Place Therapy, we have therapists that understand OCD, and are trained in modalities that will help you recover. We are in your corner!

Katy