Love & Dating with a Chronic Illness
Navigating dating, in general, can feel like a daunting experience for some. However, it can feel even more intimidating and anxiety-producing when you are doing so with a chronic illness. Thankfully, there are things you can do to set yourself up for success. AGP Therapist, Alysha Perlman, specializes in relationships and chronic illness. She gave an insightful and informative presentation last month at the Love & IBD event presented by the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation. Alysha’s presentation to the IBD community offered helpful tips for taking the fear out of dating with a chronic illness.
Alysha wants those out there navigating love with a chronic illness to know how important it is to “understand who you are, what you are looking for, as well as, your comfort level with talking about your chronic illness and to not feel the pressure of when or how much to disclose.” Alysha spoke about how being clear about what you are looking for both with dating and in a partner is essential when thinking about being vulnerable with an aspect of your life like a chronic illness. Alysha made it clear that it is up to you and you alone when determining how you want to disclose your chronic illness when dating. With that, Alysha says that it is important to know your boundaries if you do disclose. How much are you willing to share? What details are off-limits for you?
Alysha explained, “Whether you’re in a new or long-term relationship, boundaries are very important. Determining what you’re going to talk about in terms of your chronic illness, and when you’re going to talk about it - you decide when that is right for you.” So, if your date asks you follow-up questions to the information you provided, and you don’t feel comfortable sharing more, you can tell them exactly that. Being able to communicate your boundaries and how much you are willing to disclose is key.
Additionally, if you are experiencing anxiety leading up to a date or about the dating process in general, Alysha gives effective tools you can use to combat this. She explains, “Stepping back, taking a deep breath, trying to disempower those negative thoughts, and thinking about what you would tell a friend who is in the same situation, can help de-escalate the anxiety.”
If you are unsure of where to start when it comes to dating with a chronic illness, Alysha wants you to know that you are not alone. There are many professionals that can help you and your loved ones while navigating dating and how to have these hard conversations.
And when you are feeling uncertain about dating with a chronic illness, remember to be kind to yourself. You are worthy of love, and your past experiences in dating do not have to define your future. The ability to be vulnerable is hard, but with the right person, it will be okay.
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