Grieving My Father’s Death Left Me in Physical Pain. Turns Out, That’s Pretty Normal
In the weeks after my father died, I was numb. And then one day, about two months later, bam—I woke up feeling like I’d been hit by a truck. My neck muscles were so tight I couldn’t turn my head, my stomach churned in ways unrelated to hunger, my jaw was clenched shut, and my limbs were heavy with exhaustion. The physical effects of grief had finally caught up with me.
Over the next few years, these physical health issues came in waves—sometimes a headache so sharp I had to lie down, other times a tightness in my throat as if I were perpetually on the verge of tears. This response to loss isn’t unusual: One study found that nearly 26% of adults with severe grief reported negative effects not just on their mental health, but also physical. These can include trouble sleeping, illness, infection, and even heart problems.
If your grief literally hurts, know that it’s normal. But that doesn’t make it any less difficult to navigate. Here’s what the experts have to say about why grief shows up in the body and how to cope with it:
Engage in mindful body awareness.
One simple way is to tune in to your body and notice any sensations, Erica Schwartzberg, LMSW, a somatic psychotherapist at A Good Place Therapy in New York City, tells SELF.
Want to take it a step further? You may want to explore somatic therapy, a type of therapy based on the understanding that trauma resides not only in your mind, but also your body. While there are various subtypes, the core idea is to identify the sensations of trauma and learn how to move through them. This allows you to release physical stress rather than just desensitizing yourself to it.
Somatic therapy was without a doubt the most transformative tool in my grief toolkit. I learned how to sit with the physical discomfort of grief so that my body could fully release stress and naturally return to calm, instead of (unsuccessfully) trying to suppress those sensations. Over time, this trained my body to respond less intensely.
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