Celebrating the Holidays During COVID-19
Author: Erica Caparelli
As we enter the holiday season during a pandemic, celebration takes on a whole new meaning. Winter holidays are already a point of contention for many, as family get-togethers can spike stress levels, old feelings of guilt, resentment, and disappointment; not to mention the pressure to spend money we may not have on gifts and other holiday obligations. It is already a whole lot to navigate without a pandemic in the mix.
On the other hand, for those of us who typically find joy and comfort in the holiday season, the rise in COVID-19 cases and social distancing regulations may be stripping away what seems like our only opportunity for connection and festivity. There is no denying that as the things that make us feel ‘normal’ during the holidays become inaccessible, we may be feeling discouraged to celebrate at all.
Dealing with the complex feelings that get kicked up during this time of year is not easy by any means. To support you as we move into the holidays, here are some tips to consider:
Keep traditions alive…
even if in isolation. If circumstances were as usual, how would you be celebrating the holiday? If you normally would be gathered with your loved ones but are unable to do so due to COVID-19, try to remember what it is that makes those gatherings so special in the first place. Is it the setting? The decorations? The food? A cultural ritual? The meaning of the holiday itself, or just the people you are missing? Whatever it is, try to be open-minded, creative, and flexible in adapting those things to your own space and capabilities. Maybe encourage your family members who are also in isolation to cook the same family recipe and eat it together via Zoom or Facetime. Perhaps you can decorate your home the way it would look if you were at a family member's place. If your family normally takes part in a particular religious or cultural ritual, see if you could do this on your own. Sometimes keeping with the traditions helps us to feel a sense of normalcy, connection, and stability during a challenging and seemingly chaotic time.
Consider what community means to you…
and try tapping into those communities, whether virtual or in person. Connecting with others is a powerful thing, especially when we’re feeling lonely or alone. Be creative when thinking about the communities you belong to and care about and how you can participate in them. Think about your identities, your location, and your positionality: are there any groups that you haven't engaged with in a while? Do you hold a particular identity that an online support group exists for? Are there communities struggling to maintain safety that you could support? Maybe your local community is already partaking in mutual aid efforts you can tap into. Giving back is a simple and rewarding way to find purpose during unfulfilling times; sometimes supporting others can be just the act that winds up supporting us in return, providing us with the dose of connection we were searching for. There are so many ways to get involved in initiatives that already exist and are in need of people to help. If you are struggling to find a point of access, social media, blogs and forums can be a great resource; try searching for online groups related to your interests, identities, and local communities that may provide you with a sense of belonging. Online support groups and mutual aid initiatives such as community fridges, local activist campaigns, soup kitchens, and local non-profits looking for holiday volunteers are a great place to start!
Embrace being alone…
in whatever way feels right for you. If you are isolated during the holidays, try to shift your perspective from one of lack to one of acceptance and gratitude for the opportunity to spend time with you. I know for me, I can spend hours on social media when I'm lonely, comparing my insides to other peoples' outsides. This is a behavior that takes me away from myself, and before I know it, the night is over and I've spent hours feeling bad. Instead of indulging in distracting behaviors like these, try to be intentional with your time and energy. Perhaps treat the holiday as a special day where you are committed to doing the things you love and creating an environment that is fulfilling. What are the things that make you feel most you? Some ideas that come to mind for me are reading, taking a hot bath, praying/meditating, journalling, watching a comedy special, or taking a walk. Whatever these things may be for you, try to be present for them. Cell phones can be a great distraction, so it may be helpful to limit your social media intake for the day. One helpful option is setting alarms to remind yourself to keep off of your phone, or even just turning your phone off every other hour. Try to make the holiday a celebration of the life you live and the things you love that require the presence of no one but yourself.
If you are celebrating with family, friends, or colleagues…
check in with yourself about what it is that you need. Widespread messaging from the media tells us that we should feel grateful to be with family members during the holidays; there's a societal expectation that we be in a big beautiful home with delicious food on the table, happily surrounded by all those we love. For many, this is not a realistic picture. Especially if there is unresolved conflict or trauma stemming from our families, the holidays can be more upsetting than they are enjoyable. This is why it is so important that we acknowledge our feelings before and during gatherings, and honor them accordingly. After all, we need to take care of ourselves because we are responsible for our own happiness.
Before going to a gathering, we can ask ourselves: How many hours can I spend at this event before getting overwhelmed? What topics of conversation will I promise myself not to discuss (maybe it's politics, our sexualities, our career choices)? Making a plan beforehand can prevent us from falling into old patterns and pushing ourselves past our limits. When at the gathering, try to practice mindfulness toward your body to notice when warning signs that we may be in need of a break come up. These may include our chests tightening, our breathing becoming shallow, or our muscles tensing up. A five minute breathing exercise before the gathering or in the bathroom as needed can be helpful to stay calm and grounded. Boundaries are sometimes difficult to maintain, but having awareness and a plan is the first step to taking the action we need to care for ourselves. And remember—"No” is a full sentence!
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As the second wave of COVID-19 hits NYC, what we typically expect of this time of year has been turned upside down. This lack of consistency may have you feeling out of control and anxious. If this is you, it is okay. We have no point of reference this year, so we must be gentle with ourselves and our communities as we adapt to these new times.