3 Ways To Handle A Period of Transition
Author: Sarah Murray
Transition is an internal fight between where we are and where we’re going. It sounds comprehensible, but to our brains, it is a bit more complex. Whether you are moving to a new home, graduating from school or adjusting to single life after a long-term relationship, transition is a change in our life and a disruption to both our external and internal systems. Transition can easily bring us into a state of fight, flight or freeze. Heading somewhere unknown can bring up our deepest fears or tell our brains or our bodies that we are unsafe or sometimes even unworthy of this change. Our brains want predictability but our lives don’t expand this way. Although we often find comfort in familiarity, sometimes this comfort can stunt your growth, impede on finding the resilience to embrace the natural course of change in our lives and prevent us from living true to our values.
Times of transition can also remind us of traumatic experiences in our lives. For example, our bodies can experience a transition and associate it with a time we felt unsafe. We may want to fight and resist change and transition in spite of its inevitability.
Sometimes transition can take longer naturally depending on the kind of change you are making. Sometimes transition can be complicated if you struggle with self-esteem, negative self-talk and self doubt. We need to notice if our own thoughts and emotional responses are impeding us from moving through this transitional period.
Here are some examples of what these kinds of thoughts might look like:
“I just graduated high school when a global pandemic occurred. I feel like I am always going to struggle with transition and change.”
“I am moving to a new state where I don’t know anyone. My social anxiety is going to take over and I won’t be able to get out and meet new people.”
“I decided to end my five year relationship because I felt like our values were no longer aligning. My heart is breaking and I feel like I lost a best friend. I don’t know if I made the right decision because no one is ever going to love me like he did.”
Remember that transition is typically temporary but our awareness while moving through it can help us see how far we have come. With awareness and acceptance of this process, on the other side of transition is a bolder, wiser and more self assured version of yourself.
Here are reminders we need to carry with us as we go through a period of transition:
1. Normalize/Accept that it is difficult
It is normal to fight transition so this is why it is important that we find ways to accept that resistance will happen. We need to practice the awareness of our responses to transition. For example:
We can start to reframe difficult transitional times using acceptance work by stating phrases such as:
“Okay, I just graduated high school at a time when a global pandemic occurred. Everyone was going through a tough time. I need to give myself grace and realize that this change in my life is going to feel scary.”
“I am moving to a new state where I don’t know anyone. It is going to take me time to adjust but I think there might be new opportunities and new friends to make.”
“I decided to end my five year relationship because I felt like our values were no longer aligning. My heart is breaking and I feel like I lost a best friend but I know this is what I need to do to grow and become more comfortable on my own.”
2. Notice your Growth
The next step is noticing your growth in the transition. Look at your life from a wider lens. Tell your story from the beginning. Change can be small and then suddenly you see how the small changes led to a big change within yourself. There will be a tug of war between the version of yourself resisting change and the version of yourself believing you are closer to a goal because you have come this far. As transition is a very fragile time, you might notice that you go from feeling confident to going back to feelings of self doubt, or fear of failure. Simply notice and normalize that this can happen. Then, take a moment to look at yourself from that “zoom out” perspective. How far have you come? You’re transitioning and you deserve to accept growth. You deserve to see the version of yourself that has moved through this transition.
Here are some examples of what noticing your growth might look like:
“Okay, I just graduated high school at a time when a global pandemic occurred. Everyone was going through a tough time. I need to give myself grace and realize that this change in my life is going to feel scary. I also need to realize all of the things I have accomplished in that time and the strengths that got me through one of the most emotionally isolating times in my life.”
“I am moving to a new state where I don’t know anyone. It is going to take me time to adjust but I think there might be new opportunities and new friends to make. I should also recognize how far I have come to even have the courage to move further away from my family.”
“I decided to end my five year relationship because I felt like our values were no longer aligning. My heart is breaking and I feel like I lost a best friend but I know this is what I need to do to grow and become more comfortable on my own. I can’t remember how it felt to be single. It is scary but liberating!”
3. Notice the signs that you have made it through a transition.
Unless you are training for a marathon and there is a finish line you see at the end of your run, you are not going to know if you completely made it through that transitional time in your life. There may not be a physical, concrete finish line, however, there are some signs to notice within yourself if you have made it through a transition. The resistance to change is really a call to the deeper version of yourself you have envisioned on the other side of transition. This visualization of your future self is incredibly important in motivating you to strive to feel what it is like to be a greater version of yourself. The more you push through change and transition while also accepting how uncomfortable it can be, the more you are a step closer to being comfortable with the uncomfortable. You are a step closer to accepting all the parts of yourself that have pushed you to a place of pride, further self actualization and an eagerness, humbleness and wisdom to continue boldly transitioning throughout your life.
Here are some of those signs to notice within yourself if you are embracing transition:
You know yourself more - you’re aware of the balance you need in life and you are able to distinguish the people in your life who are healthy and supporting you through these changes
You’ve found more confidence in yourself
You are finding meaning in each transition
You are more patient with yourself
You feel deserving of the next steps in your life
You appreciate those that have helped you along the way
You are more grateful for the little things
Hopeful, positive thoughts seem to come more naturally to you