How to Manage the Holidays as a Couple

Author: Laura Goldstein

Holidays are traditionally seen as a time for excitement, joy, and togetherness, filled with love, laughter, and the warmth of family and friends. However, for many couples—whether they are newly together or have been in a long-term relationship—this time of year can also become a significant source of stress and conflict. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed as the holiday season approaches, don’t worry! Here are some strategies to help you manage the holidays as a couple.

Start With Communication

The first crucial step in navigating the holiday season is to have an open conversation about your plans. Where do you want to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas? Discuss which holidays are most important to you individually, and share your traditions and expectations. This conversation is essential, as it provides a platform for both partners to express their feelings and priorities.

David Burns developed a communication technique called EAR which stands for Empathy, Assertiveness, and Respect. EMPATHY is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It is vital to acknowledge what the other person is saying. Additionally it is being mindful of your response and ask for clarification if needed. ASSERTIVE communication is using “I feel” statements and sharing your feelings for a productive outcome. RESPECT is essential when communicating - active listening and caring about what the other is sharing.

Consider These Options: Is it possible to alternate holidays each year to ensure fairness? If distance isn’t a significant issue, could you split your time between both families? You might also decide that one holiday is more significant to one family—such as Thanksgiving for one and Christmas for the other. Alternatively, would you prefer to host your celebrations and create new family traditions that incorporate those you love?

Managing Family Dynamics

Another area that can stir up anxiety during the holidays is the interaction with your partner’s family or your own. If you haven’t met your partner’s family yet, prepare yourself by learning about their traditions and norms. Find out what you can bring to the gathering—it’s always appreciated when someone contributes and makes a great impression.

Create a Plan: If you’re feeling anxious, having a plan can help. Approach the gathering with a positive attitude and remind yourself that it’s only for a few hours, a couple of times a year. If you find family interactions stressful, ensure you monitor your drinking—staying sober can help you remain composed and enjoy the festivities.

When it comes to your family, it’s important to disclose family dynamics to your partner, making them aware of what to expect and what traditions you follow. This not only prepares them but also shows that you value their comfort too. During gatherings, check in with your partner to ensure they’re feeling comfortable and supported, especially if you find yourself pulled away by family members or old friends. Furthermore, the couple can have a sign they use that signals to the other they need them to come over to them to assist in leaving the conversation.

Lastly, consider what time you are going to leave the event. Exiting before the very end of the gathering is ideal, leave on a high note.

Setting Boundaries and Maintaining Positivity

It’s essential to strike a balance, especially if your gatherings tend to trigger stress. Be mindful that there are specific topics—politics, family dynamics, and world events—that could lead to uncomfortable discussions. Keeping the conversation light and cheerful can help maintain a pleasant atmosphere.

If challenges arise due to your relationship with your own family, enter the gathering with a positive mindset. Bring your best self, and focus on the good moments.

Remember that every couple has their own unique way of handling the holidays, and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. It’s essential to discuss your hopes and what’s most important to each of you, as well as your willingness to compromise.

Celebrate Your Own Way

As the season approaches, many couples find that dividing and conquering can be a practical solution. Perhaps some couples decide to spend time apart with their families, especially if they struggle to find a balance between both sides. However, as a couple, aim to prioritize your relationship and celebrate together whenever possible.

Ultimately, respect each other’s perspectives and decisions. Families and friends will need to understand that your relationship takes precedence, and it’s perfectly okay to create boundaries that honor your partnership.

Final Thoughts

The holidays can be a time of joy, reflection, and togetherness. By starting with clear communication, managing family dynamics, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your relationship, you can make the holiday season an enjoyable experience for both you and your partner. The goal is to create cherished memories together while navigating the complexities of family engagements. Embrace this time with love, and may your holidays be filled with warmth and happiness!