Spotlight Interview: Jillian Singer

Asasia: What inspired you to become a social worker and therapist?

Jillian: I had a career as a lawyer before I became a social worker. I started out as a government trial attorney, and I partnered with social workers a lot in that role. I really liked government work for a while and found it rewarding, a lot of the time. I was a prosecutor in the Domestic Violence Unit at the Brooklyn District Attorney’s Office and then I worked as an attorney for Children’s Services in Manhattan — that was rough. After a few years, I got burnt out. So I transitioned to the private sector and did civil litigation at a law firm, where I represented corporations/businesses who were suing or being sued by other corporations/businesses, and I was just really unhappy. 

It was my husband who kind of flagged how unhappy I was. We were moving forward in our lives — getting married and thinking of starting a family — and he knew the type of parent I wanted to be. And one night, he kind of just said, ‘You really don’t like your job, but I know you value having a career, is this the work that you’re gonna want to go back to when we have kids at home?’ And my answer was ‘No.’ So we sort of went back to the drawing board, and he asked me, ‘If you weren’t a lawyer, what would you be?’ and for me, being a therapist was kind of the path not taken. I had minored in psychology in undergrad, and I had always just found it so interesting — understanding people. So we looked into it and saw that with a social work degree I could be a therapist. And the social justice component to social work appealed to me as well, I was drawn to that as an attorney too. 

Asasia: What drew you specifically to that path? It sounds like you got to see some of what social workers can do in different settings, so what drew you to therapy in particular?

Jillian: I think it was because therapy and psychology were interests of mine that were always there, but I had never pursued. One reason I went to law school was because that was modeled for me — there are so many lawyers in my family and extended family, including my dad. No one was a therapist. I had gone to therapy for a few years in college, but becoming a therapist just felt foreign to me at that time. We’re so young when we make those initial career decisions! So after being a lawyer for ten years in many different settings, I realized that law as a profession just wasn’t really for me. And when my husband asked, it just sort of came to me that I wanted to be a therapist. I became a lawyer to help people overcome hardship by advocating for them and helping them to navigate complex issues. When I realized I wanted to be a therapist, it sort of all made sense, because I could also do a version of that work as a therapist.

Asasia: How would you describe your approach as a therapist?

Jillian: Well, I’m behaviorally oriented, and I’m trained in evidence-based interventions. I have a CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), and ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) background. So I have a practical approach to therapy that’s pretty action-oriented and solution-focused. And I also take time to understand the past. I feel like the more evidence-based behavioral approaches can get a bad rap — as though we don't focus at all on processing what happened in the past, and that’s definitely not my approach. My approach includes understanding how we developed the behaviors that are no longer serving us, and taking the time to process that and the emotions involved. Then we focus on the present and find ways to adjust those old ways of thinking and behaving that are no longer working for us.

Asasia: What do you feel has informed you in developing this approach?

Jillian: From my own experience, I know how hard change can feel so I relate to my clients in that way, and I really strive to be their partner in that. I also believe it's so important to really listen and get to know my clients. Because even with evidence-based therapy, which can be a bit structured, I’m always pulling from different interventions to tailor my approach to each person. It’s never just like, “insert client here.”

Asasia: Is there anything that comes to mind as one of the big lessons that you’ve learned as a therapist?

Jillian: I’ve learned that even though we feel our problems are so unique to us — and in many ways, they are — they’re also so similar to everyone else’s. I have clients that appear so completely different in their identities, positionality, age, lifestyle, and just everything, and they’re having such a similar reaction to a common stressor. It can be really beautiful that we all feel like our problems are so big and so unique to us, but really, none of us are alone, because we all react and deal with things in such a similar, human way.

It can be comforting to know it’s not just you. Life can be hard! 

Asasia: What is your favorite part of being a therapist?

Jillian: I think it’s seeing my clients achieve their goals. It’s a privilege to just be with them for that and celebrate with them. That’s always really great. I still have some clients that started with me when I first came to the practice, and at that time they were really struggling. And now, being able to reflect on their progress and see the improvements they've made in their life, is just hard to describe, but there’s really no better feeling as a therapist.

Asasia: It’s what it’s all about! For you as a person outside of your work, what are some of the things that you’re really interested in or that you use as your personal time or self-care?

Jillian: So, I recently became a mom in January, and right now, I’ve really just been learning how to be a mom — making that adjustment in my personal and professional life and doing what I need to do to take care of my baby, which has been so challenging and also, incredibly rewarding. Figuring out how to be present with my family and with my clients and setting boundaries that let me show up at home and at work, that’s been a learning curve.

And for myself, I try to carve out time to get in some movement either before my baby wakes up or at some point in the day when I have childcare. I also try to be gentle with myself if I can’t fit everything in as I’d planned to. I definitely have to be more intentional about how I spend my time or else it’s too easy not to get anything done! So that’s kind of been the adjustment. It's been hard and also, really amazing, to grow.